Is "perception" EVERYTHING?

I recently spoke with a pastor of a large, leading church in a big metropolitan area. This sweet pastor had recently lost his young daughter to tragedy. He mentioned to me his struggle to display “public righteousness with grief.” I was confused for a moment…then realized what he meant. There was pressure there—a pressure of being watched and needing to set the example. But that pressure had not allowed him and his family to grieve humanly.

So I asked him...was the pressure external or internal? Spiritual or professional? You know what he said? It was the “Christian world out there”. It wasn't his church leaders putting on the pressure; it wasn't God; it wasn't their friends or church members--it was the perceptions that the 'world' (aka 'other Christians out there) holds spiritual leaders to a higher standard of expectations in everything.

Bam! And there it was: the problem—“WHO holds spiritual leaders to a higher standard of living??" Not God?? Not friends?? Not family?? Not employers?? Oh--that's right--"CHRISTIANS" do. Hmmm. That is screwed up--bad. And the sad part is that a perception IS a person’s reality until something changes that perception.

Sure, all people--spiritual leaders included--are challenged with a mission and purpose in life to live well, love well, produce well, influence well, etc. But God doesn't place "rules" or "requirements" on us, does he? I don't think so. I think the intended focus is more on the personal overhaul...working within our own hearts to perceive ideas and people the way God would, without judgment and with much love....and then signifying to others that our perceptions are derived from God's messages and unconditional love.

So if that IS the way it is; then shouldn't the "Christians of the world" reflect that? I'd be horrified to know that someone felt pressured to perform a certain way--especially in the toughest time in their life--for MY benefit, belief, opinion, or need!!

So in further conversation, the pastor said that he and his wife finally learned how to compartmentalize their grief--the "grief for the public" and then the "grief for themselves." So very privately they screamed, ranted, raved, resented, questioned, doubted within their hearts and minds in order to work through the loss of their precious little girl. But on the surface they reflected sadness, peace, understanding, courage, strength and thank fullness--all to "glorify the Lord" for their daughter’s time here on earth and legacy of love she left behind. By separating it this way did it prevent them from grieving naturally? Were they able to use their God-given tools to work through their raw human emotions…or was it all too separated?

What would have happened if this sweet, spiritual family had allowed the public to see their human side…their disgust with ‘fate’?

I may be wrong…but I think their perception may have been right. I think the earth would have shaken when certain Christians of the world demanded action! They'd jump on the phone to call their own church leaders, who would then go to the religious hierarchy, who would then put pressure on the pastor’s church to severe themselves or get him under control. I'm quite sure that there are churches out there who are full of such Christians and power.

So there was, indeed, quite a pressure....a human one; a worldly one; a selfish one. NOT a Godly one. And that's sad. Really sad.